[Rants] What Really Grinds My Gears/ Late-Night Infomercials
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ARRGGHHHH!

Here's what I hate -- strike that -- detest, about 'Late-Night Infomercials':
EVERYTHING!!!

Where to begin with this mindless, and boring-as-all-hell information we have grown to know as 'Late-Night Infomercials'.

Most people have been witness to at least one episode or show, usually a half-hour segment, where a sales person and a host (usual format) try to convince you that you need to buy their product or service above their competition, within the time remaning on their Infomercial.

First, there is the sales person, more times than not, it is a male. Then there is their trusty side-kick/host. One thing I have noticed in watching some of these 'Infomercials' is, how incredibly shitty their acting is -- worst acting known to man-kind! To top things off, this team (sales person and host) I swear operate off of one intellectually-bankrupt brain at the best of times. If their brain was a computer, they could easily be out-smarted by a Commodore Vic-20 running at 5% capacity.

The sales person nearly always has this 'man, I am so smart, I can hardly believe it' attitude, and uses this to set the mood of the half-hour Infomercial. Even when they are asked questions from the host (all pre-written, and in my opinion, the dumbest possible questions in the first place), they rattle off statistics and information that, to be honest, is the last thing you would think about (even if you did), before heading down to your local Wal-Mart or Best Buy, to purchase the same product.

"See, Nancy, the Ionic Breeze 3000 has a Patent-Pending Dibble Stick, allowing it to filter air quickly and efficiently, nearly 10% quicker than our competition's model". SAD, but the whole 30 minutes is totally wasted with statistical garbage, useless crap, and in many cases fake testimonials. Unless you really care about knowing if the Ionic Breeze 3000 has a 'back-up Foo-Foo valve cover', you are wasting precious time from your life that you can never get back.

Think the sales person is a lost cause, you have to hear what comes out of the jaws of the host. Miss. Information. Good God, some of these hosts (a good percentage of them are females) are so beyond stupid, you could yell into one of their ears and get a 2-minute echo (just like an empty warehouse; lights are on - barely - but nothing is in there). You might even mistaken the host as Rainman's twin sister. However, Rainman was far more intelligent compared to the general intellectual pool these women hail from. Usually after 5 minutes or so into the the Infomercial, you begin to see all what the host is about -- mentally nothing (yes folks, their brains are flatlining!)

"WOW Stan...I still can't believe that your new double-serated CL 1000 Knife will stay sharp even after cutting this tin can, piece of cardboard, and pineapple!"

Well 'no shit!' lady, it's a friggin' knife, they are supposed to be sharp when new, and believe it or not, this is what knives were invented for -- cutting! Dumb ass!

And don't get me started on the testimonials, as they are nearly all actors that couldn't cut it in the B-Movie sector, and in many other cases are fake or misleading information. Sometimes they get celebrities to give a testimonial, and even though some of them are famous actors/actresses or music stars, you just have to know they are getting paid a pretty penny to try and trump this product up.

I recently saw Sean P. Combs (scratch that), Puff Daddy (scratch that), P. Diddy (scratch that), now just known as Diddy, trying his best at a testimonial for an Acne cream. He comes across as a guy you see every Sunday in Church, but we all know his past with weapons. What I am getting at is this is the type of celebritiy endorsement this one product received. I can honestly say, without doubt, I would never, ever in a million years, buy anything Diddy supports in any way, shape or form -- even if it was given to me for free, with a $1,000 bill strategically slipped under it for good measure.

By the way, good luck Diddy, or whatever your name is now, although personally the Acne Cream you bought, and are trumping up, hasn't done anything for you -- your face still looks like the same it did a few years ago, like the surface of the moon!

I could go on with countless exapmles, products and services that are pawned off to the general public every friggin' night, but will let you see what I am ranting about. If you want a good laugh, then this is a show-format for you (at least to check out). Pay close attention to the sales person and the host, as they entertain you with their mindless, unmotivating, and useless style, trying to promote and sell products that, to be quite honest, I wouldn't buy if my life depended on it.

Also keep in mind if you are serious about purchasing a product or service via an Informercial, a good percentage of them turn out to be scams. At the bottom of this article I have a link to Justin Leonard's Infomercial Scams web site. A great read at any rate.

If you see a product on one of these shows and want it, simply go to your local Wal-Mart, get it for half the cost, talk to someone there that is actually passionate about what they are selling, and save that 30 minutes of your life.

Even if the sales person and host say it is a Special for TV, and you only have a few minutes remaining to act and purchase this product or service, don't believe them. Afterall, this sales team is a direct relation to people who sell products at 'fairs', but so much worse!

It is a known fact that nearly 95% of the crap that these mindless idiot-sticks pawn off to the general public as, 'a one-time purchase via the TV', can also be found in large corporate giant box stores like Wal-Mart, Revy, Target, Best Buy, Winners, et al. Another great source for trying to find this item and at a great deal, might be by going online, and checking out ebay!

Out of all the Late-Night Infomercials I have seen, only 2 stick out in my mind as a half-decent product -- thus 2 exceptions.

These are purely my educated opinions and views of this topic, and of course, I might be wrong.

If I have hurt someone's feelings... then, my friend, too bad that you can't take a joke! "Life sucks - Get a Helmut!"



Recommended Reading::::
infomercialscams.com

Recommended Online Source::::
ebay




S.D. Wodinsky, EBM (EDITOR)
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