[Rants] What Really Grinds My Gears/ Late-Night Infomercials
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ARRGGHHHH!

Here's what I hate -- strike that -- detest, about 'Late-Night Infomercials':
EVERYTHING!!!

Where to begin with this mindless, and boring-as-all-hell information we have grown to know as 'Late-Night Infomercials'.

Most people have been witness to at least one episode or show, usually a half-hour segment, where a sales person and a host (usual format) try to convince you that you need to buy their product or service above their competition, within the time remaning on their Infomercial.

First, there is the sales person, more times than not, it is a male. Then there is their trusty side-kick/host. One thing I have noticed in watching some of these 'Infomercials' is, how incredibly shitty their acting is -- worst acting known to man-kind! To top things off, this team (sales person and host) I swear operate off of one intellectually-bankrupt brain at the best of times. If their brain was a computer, they could easily be out-smarted by a Commodore Vic-20 running at 5% capacity.

The sales person nearly always has this 'man, I am so smart, I can hardly believe it' attitude, and uses this to set the mood of the half-hour Infomercial. Even when they are asked questions from the host (all pre-written, and in my opinion, the dumbest possible questions in the first place), they rattle off statistics and information that, to be honest, is the last thing you would think about (even if you did), before heading down to your local Wal-Mart or Best Buy, to purchase the same product.

"See, Nancy, the Ionic Breeze 3000 has a Patent-Pending Dibble Stick, allowing it to filter air quickly and efficiently, nearly 10% quicker than our competition's model". SAD, but the whole 30 minutes is totally wasted with statistical garbage, useless crap, and in many cases fake testimonials. Unless you really care about knowing if the Ionic Breeze 3000 has a 'back-up Foo-Foo valve cover', you are wasting precious time from your life that you can never get back.

Think the sales person is a lost cause, you have to hear what comes out of the jaws of the host. Miss. Information. Good God, some of these hosts (a good percentage of them are females) are so beyond stupid, you could yell into one of their ears and get a 2-minute echo (just like an empty warehouse; lights are on - barely - but nothing is in there). You might even mistaken the host as Rainman's twin sister. However, Rainman was far more intelligent compared to the general intellectual pool these women hail from. Usually after 5 minutes or so into the the Infomercial, you begin to see all what the host is about -- mentally nothing (yes folks, their brains are flatlining!)

"WOW Stan...I still can't believe that your new double-serated CL 1000 Knife will stay sharp even after cutting this tin can, piece of cardboard, and pineapple!"

Well 'no shit!' lady, it's a friggin' knife, they are supposed to be sharp when new, and believe it or not, this is what knives were invented for -- cutting! Dumb ass!

And don't get me started on the testimonials, as they are nearly all actors that couldn't cut it in the B-Movie sector, and in many other cases are fake or misleading information. Sometimes they get celebrities to give a testimonial, and even though some of them are famous actors/actresses or music stars, you just have to know they are getting paid a pretty penny to try and trump this product up.

I recently saw Sean P. Combs (scratch that), Puff Daddy (scratch that), P. Diddy (scratch that), now just known as Diddy, trying his best at a testimonial for an Acne cream. He comes across as a guy you see every Sunday in Church, but we all know his past with weapons. What I am getting at is this is the type of celebritiy endorsement this one product received. I can honestly say, without doubt, I would never, ever in a million years, buy anything Diddy supports in any way, shape or form -- even if it was given to me for free, with a $1,000 bill strategically slipped under it for good measure.

By the way, good luck Diddy, or whatever your name is now, although personally the Acne Cream you bought, and are trumping up, hasn't done anything for you -- your face still looks like the same it did a few years ago, like the surface of the moon!

I could go on with countless exapmles, products and services that are pawned off to the general public every friggin' night, but will let you see what I am ranting about. If you want a good laugh, then this is a show-format for you (at least to check out). Pay close attention to the sales person and the host, as they entertain you with their mindless, unmotivating, and useless style, trying to promote and sell products that, to be quite honest, I wouldn't buy if my life depended on it.

Also keep in mind if you are serious about purchasing a product or service via an Informercial, a good percentage of them turn out to be scams. At the bottom of this article I have a link to Justin Leonard's Infomercial Scams web site. A great read at any rate.

If you see a product on one of these shows and want it, simply go to your local Wal-Mart, get it for half the cost, talk to someone there that is actually passionate about what they are selling, and save that 30 minutes of your life.

Even if the sales person and host say it is a Special for TV, and you only have a few minutes remaining to act and purchase this product or service, don't believe them. Afterall, this sales team is a direct relation to people who sell products at 'fairs', but so much worse!

It is a known fact that nearly 95% of the crap that these mindless idiot-sticks pawn off to the general public as, 'a one-time purchase via the TV', can also be found in large corporate giant box stores like Wal-Mart, Revy, Target, Best Buy, Winners, et al. Another great source for trying to find this item and at a great deal, might be by going online, and checking out ebay!

Out of all the Late-Night Infomercials I have seen, only 2 stick out in my mind as a half-decent product -- thus 2 exceptions.

These are purely my educated opinions and views of this topic, and of course, I might be wrong.

If I have hurt someone's feelings... then, my friend, too bad that you can't take a joke! "Life sucks - Get a Helmut!"



Recommended Reading::::
infomercialscams.com

Recommended Online Source::::
ebay




S.D. Wodinsky, EBM (EDITOR)
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[Humor] Jokes/ Tech Support
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Just when you think you are the worst person on the computer, our CSRs (Customer Service Representatives) at many leading call centers throughout the land, compile some of their own conversations with people who are so 'last century'!

I can tell you without a word of a lie, that the CSR's conversations with their respective members are really this unbelievable. I have worked for a fortune 100 company, and it was/is a known fact that the education level of the average member was/is that of a grade 3 student. Now, there are many smart people with not a lot of schooling behind them, but you mix this in with a dose of cyberphobia or people who just don't 'understand' computers/ technology, and you have quite the conversations. Please read on...


Help Desk: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...
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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Help Desk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Help Desk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ..."
Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....
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Help Desk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
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Help Desk: Good day. How may I help you?
Customer: Hello... I can't print.
Help Desk: Would you click on start for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates damn it!
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Customer: Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
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Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Help Desk: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you!.
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Help Desk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Help Desk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Help Desk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK.
Help Desk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Help Desk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!
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Help Desk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
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A customer couldn't get on the internet.
Help Desk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Help Desk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
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Help Desk: What antivirus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Help Desk: That's not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!
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Help Desk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Help Desk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it
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S.D. Wodinsky, EBM (EDITOR)
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[Humor] Jokes/ The New Boss
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A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up,hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities,the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall.

The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business! The CEO walks up to the guy and asks," And how much money do you make a week?"

Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $300.00 a week.

Why?"

The CEO then hands the guy $300 in cash and screams, "Here's a week's pay, now GET OUT!, and don't come back!"

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks.....

"Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?" With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."


S.D. Wodinsky, EBM (EDITOR)
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[Humor] Jokes/ Wrong eMail Address
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A lesson to be learned from one typing the wrong email address!

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on th floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: October 16, 2004

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.


P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!


S.D. Wodinsky, EBM (EDITOR)
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[Entertainment] Radio-Media/ LINKS
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Here is a wicked link to a complete list of all radio stations broadcasting in Canada:
CANADIAN Radio Stations

Here is a link to the best station in Holland & Germany (ID&T):
ID&T

Here is a link to the Ministry Of Sound (UK):
MINISTRY Of SOUND

Here is the official link to Billboard.com:
Billboard
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[Business] Global Communications-Cellular/ U.N.: Mobile Phones Gaining Revenue
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Mobile phones are expected to generate greater revenue this year than traditional land lines with the nations of Africa, Asia and Latin America driving growth, a U.N. agency said Thursday.

Mobile phones, which account for 1.5 billion of the world's 2.7 billion telephone subscriptions, will achieve revenues of $480 million this year, compared with $450 million for land line phones, the International Telecommunication Union said in a report on global trends.

Just four years ago, fixed lines had revenues nearly double that of mobile networks, but mobile phones use — and revenues — has been growing rapidly. The growth is being driven by developing countries, where mobile phones are much cheaper to install than fixed lines. Global use of mobile phones overtook land-line phones about two years ago, according to the report.

"Virtually all the global growth in the telecoms service sector over the last decade has come from the mobile sector, broadband, and other data services," said Susan Schorr, one of the authors of the study.

"Taken together, the value of mobile and other non-voice services is now greater than that of the traditional fixed-line telephone service, which had been the mainstay of public telecommunication operators since the late 19th century," Schorr said.

The number of mobile-phone subscribers in developing countries has snowballed to 829 million, up from just 3 million a decade ago, the study found. Since 2000, four-fifths of all growth in mobile phone sales took place in Africa, Asia, Latin America and the former Soviet Union, where fixed lines are often inadequate or unavailable.

"The developing world is ... where most of the potential for future growth resides," Schorr said.

China, India, and Russia were cited by ITU as the countries leading the way in the mobile revolution. In China alone, an average of 5.5 million new mobile phone users sign up each month, according to its government. However, new Internet technologies, such as broadband, are still largely unavailable in many regions.

A commission meeting at the ITU this week of 85 national communications chiefs proposed a number of reforms for increasing Internet access throughout the world.

"Our job as regulators is to ensure that we are creating a climate that is conducive to these new technologies and allows these new technologies to deliver the products and services to our citizens," said Kathleen Abernathy, the Federal Communications Commissioner of the United States. She is chairing the ITU group.

Liberalizing markets, she argued, is necessary to "maximize the potential for everyone to benefit from all of these new technologies."

Some 690 million people have access to Internet today, but less than 40 percent of users come from the developing world, ITU said.

But the report said that broadband seems to be catching on in developing countries as well. In 2003, there were 11 million new subscribers in China, which is expected to overtake United States this year as the world's largest broadband market, Schorr said.

BRADLEY S. KLAPPER, (AP Writer - Geneva)
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[Christmas] Gifts/ For Her, For Him
2 Fantastic Links!
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For Her:
Objets d'Envy
Objets d'Envy is a new line of luxe, glamorous, ultra-sparkly bracelets by graphic designer-turned-jewelry designer, Kirsten Goede. Goede's signature bracelets are made of Swarovski crystals and come in nine brilliant colors.
LINK

For Him:
Monkey Stick Box (aka: MSB)
Boxes are packaged in a manly-man fashion (in a crate, no ribbon, no girly stuff) and are named after famous explorers and contain cool-guy stuff like the Leatherman, Maglight, super hot sauce and other essentials. The Monkey Stick Box website explains it all, "We don't send flowers or herbal teas packed in plastic fire engines. You won't find neckties or bath stuff. Whether base-camp is home, the office or the Congo you can be sure it's what guys want.
LINK

Editor's note:
Also check out Lavalife's website (link provided here), you will not be disappointed.
Lavalife
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